How Breakfast Cereal Mascots Brainwashed You | After Hours

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Now I don’t which is worse; the fact that they think kids only respond to animals and stealing-
Shut up.
-or the fact that they’re probably right.
Dan! I really don’t want to talk about it here.
I mean, what, did General Mills do a bunch of studies to demonstrate what kids are going to respond to?
And if they did do polls, what I-
Ha! They did polls!
I can feel your breath on my wiener.
Was anyone concerned that kids are really that-
There’s a no talking policy in the restroom!
Oh!
There we go.
Okay, go.
-retarded?
Did you-?
Uh-huh.
I can understand one cereal company recycling the same campaign, but three?
Trix, Lucky Charms, Golden Crisps, Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles, Golden Crisps;
all have mascots that are either stealing food, or keeping other people from stealing it.
That’s more cereals than I knew there were.
And the worst part is, it worked.
I eat Cocoa Pebbles.
Of course you do, they’ve had you by the short hairs since you were six.
You can’t say that to a girl.
Sugar cereal have created this amoral world, full of mascots, where deceit, underhandedness,
and staying a step ahead of the other guy is rewarded with dessert for breakfast.
It’s like The Wire, except everyone is Omar. It’s a lawless universe.
You never seen Fred Flintstone chiseling out a police report against Barney.
Or the Trix rabbit losing his innocence in prison.
Despite the fact that nothing would make me want Trix more.
And that poor leprechaun spends his entire time hiding his cereal from those thieving children.
(Thieving Children) Catch Lucky!
(Lucky) They’re after me Lucky Charms!
They wrap him up in a blanket, steal his food, and then make him watch as they eat it.
They make him watch! And the poor, stupid bastard has no legal recourse.
Cookie Crisp cop!
He is an astoundingly bad cop. That cereal-stealing crook gets out all the goddamn time.
I wouldn’t even want to go to him.
Or maybe, he knows he can’t go to the authorities.
But the authorities are our friends!
If someone was stealing your crack, would you really go to the cops about it?
I don’t do crack, and no. I would kill them, as a symbol to the others.
Okay, maybe not crack, but I’ll bet little Soren would do quite a bit to get his hands
on a big bag of Marshmallow Mateys.
Did you just reference a regional brand of bag cereal?
Cereal comes in bags?
My point is, they know that shit’s more than 50% sugar, they know they can’t win the vitamins and minerals war,
so they sling it as drugs instead. Okay, Tony the Tiger. Way into sports, and super huge, even for a jungle cat.
Plus his balls are so small their invisible. Kids have one bite of his cereal,
they’re popping off home runs in little league. I couldn’t get it past second base in little league.
You’d think if Tony was a roider he’d maul more children.
Sunny, and Coco Puffs? Anyone so much as mentions the name, and the guy blows roofs off of houses.
It’s basically just meth and milk.
Honey Smacks!
Unapologetic. It’s in the goddamn name. In the world of sugar cereal, you’re either a pusher like Tony,
a user like Lucky, or strung-out junkie like the Trix rabbit, looking for your next fix.
Frankenberry and Count Chocula are the saddest users ever.
They spend all their time trying to steal each other’s guests and all they really want is someone to eat their cereal with.
“Got milk? Well, do you? Do you have milk?! Because I will suck your dicks for milk!”
That is the harrowing world of addiction, by friends. I know, I had a thing with Ecto-cooler.
I think you’re giving the cereal companies too much credit.
Accusing them of pushing drugs on kids is too much credit?
They’re just too lazy to come up with a new idea. I mean at this point they’re just testing the system
to see how much stupidity they can get away with. Kids don’t notice ‘cause they’re idiots.
I have a little bit more faith in the next generation.
Just take the names of the cereals.
Rice Krispies, with a “K”,
Froot Loops, spelled F-R-O-O-T,
Trix, with an “X”, Alpha-bits…
Okay, even the cereal that’s supposed to teach you how to spell, has a messed up spelling.
They’re contributing to illiteracy.
Worse than that, and they treat kids like puppies, completely dependent on their senses.
Instead of saying “Find the box of Froot Loops on the shelf at the store” they say something like
“Follow your nose!” or “Listen for the snap, crackle and pop!” like those sounds even mean anything.
Apple Jacks don’t even taste like apples.
You see what we let them get away with?
Those kids make Mikey eat all that Life, ‘cause he was too stupid to know any better.
To the cereal companies, we’re all Mikey. And we like it.
Didn’t Mikey explode after mixing pop rocks and coke?
No, he grew up to do porn.
You’re both right.
(Katie) No no no, that was Ralphie, from A Christmas Story. He actually hung himself in a closet with a belt.
(Daniel) Oh, you’re thinking of Jonathan Brandis.
(Katie) I usually am.

100 comments

  1. Look at Katie's face when he grabs the other two guys. I don't think she was told this was going to happen.

  2. they get kids with the "hyper" aspect.. kids love anything that has to do with energy and the mascots are pure energy.. bright colors and fast moving objects get their attention

  3. Since Lucky Charms recently redesigned the art style of their mascot they turned all of the charms into characters with faces and personalities that are friends with the Leprechaun. So now those old commercials are even darker, he's trying to stop children from devouring sentient beings alive.

  4. Anyone else notice how after she uses the whip cream bottle at the beginning, there are two immediately following scenes that both show it, one with some cream at the nozzle, and the other not

  5. Michael mentioning Marshmallow Mateys in this video is immediately what I thought of once I saw them here in the UK… and why I buy them.

  6. holy shit I really love you guys but trigger warnings for those sensitive to sexual assault at 1:35 pro tip some people don't like being surprised with looking into even an animated characters eyes AS it's being raped that was terrifying I'm watching this at work and just almost had a complete panic attack to the point that my vision spun out for several seconds completely while i tried not to start audibly sobbing as an abyss opened up beneath my feet. I've watched at least a hundred of your videos after reading your website for 8 years and I've never seen anything awful like that before. I hope no one gets upset with me about it not being that big of a deal, it might have been short and badly animated but holy shit.

  7. Yes, but refined sugar has been proven to be just as addictive as crack… So cereal mascots are literally selling crack to children.

  8. And if you think about it all the cereal's that are supposed to have vitamins in it are for adults because as adults were trying to be more healthy

  9. doubt anyone will read this(it's a 6 year old video after all), but I will refutt the spelling argument, companies miss-spell brands for a simple reason it's why easier to trademark it then, if you look at any other brand that isn't misspelled they have a logo that is not just stylised lettering.

  10. That's actually why my family started buying apple jacks, because (for awhile anyway) their commercial started showing the apple and cinnamon dudes SHARING the cereal, when before they stole and tricked, and all the other commercials showed the same immoral behavior. We wanted to support brands that promoted good morals. Eventually we stopped though 'cause no one really liked the taste that well, but my point is, morals can and should sell too!

  11. In the episode where they're talking about Tom Hanks and him peeing and they then need to pee, they say that the restaurant has only a single bathroom. But here, they're in a bathroom with at least a urinal and a stall. And this is further proof that I'm lame, and I need to stop watching these so much.

  12. 3:51 http://raphaelbastide.com/dispersive/p/sensational-spelling/images/Kellogg%27s_Froot_Loops_CMYK.jpg

  13. "I have a little more faith in the new generation", says the guy who started this conversation by raving in the bathroom.

  14. I never grew up eating those cereals! I only ate the healthy oatmeal cereal so take you famous cereal industries!

  15. Wait what is he looking at in that magazine on the toilet? Those look like dildo's or fleshlights to me haha. Man they really keep his character consistent even in the details.

  16. But Apple Jacks DO taste like apples. Not like fresh apples, but like dried apples and apple juice. Which they contain.

  17. This is one of my favourite episodes based solely on the human interactions between the pop culture nonsense. It feels like an episode of one of those tv shows about a group of buddies being pals

  18. Shit I technically am a millinial and grew up in a generation where they literally pushed crack on kids(a.k.a. Adderall the study drug) don't give me shit about false advertisement because adults fell for a WAAYY WORSE trick.. They were convinced that childhood hyperactivity was a disease(which was more likely a side affect of the sugar epidemic you all mentioned) and that meth in a pill would fix it. Thank you, good day.

  19. they need to hire all these guys back payem whatever they want and do more of these !!!!!!! 30 episodes is NOT enough

  20. If you want to talk about spelling things wrong….Oreo Double Stuf. Yeah, only one 'f'. cringe at Urban Dictionary definition

  21. I remember reading a comic strip called Mother Goose and Grimm. In it Grimmy was obsessing over all those cereals after he was watching Saturday morning cartoons on T.V. Mother Goose shoos him outside and tells him to go to the zoo. It ends with Joe Camel pushing his cigarettes on Grimmy!

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