[Audience cheering wildly]
Good morning everyone. [Yawning]
I’m Funny Family Halloween Costume Shirt – Ice
and Baby Ian. Today we’re going to be trying
a few delicious frozen breakfast meals. I
hope you’re as [yawning] excited as I am.
Let’s go to the kitchen!
Okay, so. Normally when I film a video, I
do it in the late afternoon/early evening
time. That’s usually when I got most of my
energy going, but today since we’re doing
a breakfast video, I thought it’d be fun to
film immediately after waking up because that’s
normally when I should be having breakfast.
I already regret this decision, so let’s get
started. [Laughs] Before I go any further, I have to
get coffee, so [yawning] come on, let’s get
Some people aren’t gonna be too happy with
my decision, but I’m still a Folgers man.
Gotta have some Folgers in the morning.
[Pleasant piano music]
Okay, so. Before we get started, I think it’s
important for me to discuss my relationship
with breakfast, so we get a good – you know.
[World’s Sleepiest DJ Music]
I’m a huge fan of breakfast foods. I like
sausage, I like the egg, I like the cheese.
The problem is, I don’t like eating in the
morning. Something about eating right after
I wake up makes me feel gross? I dunno. I
don’t like it.
Breakfast foods are delicious, so I’m really
excited to try them. We have five different
foods from five different companies, and they’re
gonna duke it out in a breakfast battle. Uh…
It’s early. [Laughs]
[Rad ragtime music]
Let’s see… who do we want to start with?
Let’s just go left to right, here. First up,
we’re trying the Hot Pockets brand sandwiches
Sausage, Egg & Cheese with a low fat mozzarella
cheese & sauce in a croissant-ant crust. It
[Fake Cameraman]: Ow!
It looks pretty typical. Looks like a Hot
Pocket. I’m a fan of Hot Pockets — specifically,
I’m a fan of the Lean Pockets Pepperoni Pizza.
Those things were my jam for a little while.
Man, do I love those Lean Pockets. Okay, so
we’re supposed to unwrap the sandwich, stick
it in the sleeve… and cook it on High for
about two minutes. And then that’s it.
Thisps- it does smell very breakfastststy
in here, which I’m a fan of. Also a really
big fan of sausage, egg and cheese. It’s one
of my favorite combinations (sts). A big, big, big,
big, big, big fan. Big fan. Huge.
Big, big, big, big, big, big fan.
I still feel, like, half-asleep. I need more…
Okay, let’s wait no longer. I hope I don’t
burn myself. It’s still very, very hot. I
can just feel it – it’s like a campfire. I could
gather around in the cold and keep my young
warm around the Yuletide Hot Pocket Log.
It’s so drippy on the bottom. Not into that.
[Jammin’ organ tunes]
First bite was all crust. I caught a corner,
which were usually my favorite parts. All
crust. Problem is, the crust doesn’t taste
like anything. Doesn’t taste like a croissant,
doesn’t taste like bread. It tastes like nothing,
so… kind of a bummer there.
I really like that sausage!
I’m actually pretty impressed. That’s really
tasty. The sausage is really the main star
of this… “meal?”
I feel like there’s not quite as much cheese
or egg as I thought there would be. It’s mostly
sausage, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
The more I eat it, the more I like it, honestly.
It’s not gonna replace a homemade
breakfast, or even a fast food breakfast,
but for a grab ‘n go I need something in the
morning, ’cause I’m… sprinting to my business
meeting across town in the desert.
Hot Pockets brand hot sandwiches
breakfast sandwich is a good
option. I think it’s the spice in the sausage
that makes it so good. It’s the flavor that
lingers after you’re done eating it. It’s
– it’s really good. Really good.
I’m still only half-awake, so I’m having trouble
thinking up a rating system for this video,
so I’m gonna be rating these breakfast foods
once again by a emotion chart. Today, specifically,
I’m going to be using this Emotions chart.
I guess Hot Pocket Sausage, Egg & Cheese
makes me feel surprised? And like, maybe animate
some Hot Pockets going in my mouth? That’s
what it makes me feel like. But I give Hot
Pockets Sausage, Egg & Cheese the rating of
So congratulations. But we can’t just trust
me, it’s only my show so who cares what I
have to say – let’s see what the Internet
thinks about these sandwiches.
Most of these reviews are pretty positive
and I’m not surprised because it’s pretty
tasty. bigboyyy says, Bangerzzzz.
The consensus seems to be it’s great for a
quick, on-the-go breakfast snack, and I tend
[Chill, but energetic music – like from Animal Crossing]
Oh, boy. Okay. Um, well, next up we have Jimmy
Dean Pancakes & Sausage On a Stick!
This is one of those things where I can’t decide if
this is an intriguing, cool idea or a horrible,
terrifying idea. I’m not totally sure yet.
It says it’s Pancake batter covering a sausage
link, and Jimmy Dean does make some pretty
good sausage links. My guess is that I’m not
gonna like the pancake. My guess is that the
pancake is gonna be maybe soggy, or weird
texture or something. My guess is that the
pancake’s gonna ruin it for me, but let’s
Well, they come individually wrapped. The
pancake’s also pretty dark. I dunno, I guess
I expected more of a blonde pancake situation
that would brown up in the microwave, but
maybe that’s just too unrealistic of expectations.
Okay, so we’re going to remove from wrapper,
and place on a plate, microwave for 50 seconds.
Looks very corny-doggy.
[Car squealing; crash]
[Muffled people screaming]
Okay, so I think I might’ve forgotten to turn this camera
on when I was opening this. Uh… sorry. It’s
done now though, let’s get it.
I’ll be honest, I’m not quite sure what to
make of this yet. The smell, the uh… I’m
gonna poke it.
Mehhhhh! Maybe I just
spend the rest of the video making noises
I almost feel like I should put some butter
on it. It’s pancakes, right? I almost feel like
I should put some butter on it or dip it in
syrup, but I’m just gonna try it plain first
and we can go from there.
It smells pretty good, but you can see the
wrinkles on top here, which makes me feel
like it’s gonna be kinda spongy and not great.
But let’s – here we go.
[Dancy music with flute]
It’s very hot.
I don’t know if I like that. I don’t like
it, but why not? I’m not sure. It’s really
sweet? It’s really sweet! It almost feels
like it has a layer of syrup already on it.
It says that it’s a fully-cooked maple sausage
link, so it’s possible that it’s the maple sausage
link making it taste like it has syrup on
it already. Would not recommend putting extra syrup
on here, it’s sweet enough as is.
I don’t like it!
I still can’t put my tonguefinger
on what it is I don’t like about it. I think
it’s a very mushy pancake mixed with a very
mushy sausage, and when you chew it a little
bit, it just kind of feels like this sugary
mush in your mouth. It kinda makes me
a little nauseous, if I’m being honest. I guess the
nausea could be related to me eating breakfast
for the first itme in a couple years? Who
But it almost kind of tastes like a funnel
cakey – that’s what it reminds me of, like
a funnel cake fried fair food? Which is not
great to eat first thing in the morning.
I dunno. It – it could’ve gone a lot worse,
but I think it could’ve gone a lot better.
Not my favorite. Not my favorite. I really
hate to say it, but on the Feelings Chart,
it kinda seems like Jimmy Dean’s Pancakes
& Sausage on a Stick makes me feel a little
[Tropical coffee shop vibe music]
That may be a strong word for what I’m feeling,
but man, these kids aren’t expressing their
emotions as clear as they should. They all
look exactly the same. What is the difference
between these, kids? Come on! It looks like
these have significantly higher ratings than
the Hot Pockets, which surpriseseses me.
Janet says that she would buy them again.
Shannon1993 says that she loves it, but when
she opened her box there was a pancake sealed
with only half in it. [Laughs] Really disappointed.
It looks like someone just [crunch] bit off
of the end and stuck it right back in there.
If you eat these regularly, you are now required
to call them Flapsticks.
It kinda seems like my opinion differed from
the opinions of the general public regarding
the Flapsticks, but like we always say on
the show, I’m right, don’t listen to any of
“Who cares what I have to say…”
All right. What do we have n-
[Sings] I forgot I bought this~
Banquet Sausage & Gravy Deep Dish.
If you’re familiar with my channel, you know
that we have a bit of a history with Banquet
meals. This one was just too strange-looking
to pass up. It is a breakfast pot pie. I’m
a big fan of Pot Pies, but… the Banquet
label makes me extremely nervous.
It does have a flaky crust made from scratch,
which sounds promising.
Is it just me, or does that look… a little
bit sad? Does that look a little sad to you?
Eh… I dunno. I guess it looks… okay enough.
Supposed to cut a slit in the top of it.
Somehow… it’s very, uh, frozen.
Okay, well. Hopefully that’s good enough,
I guess? How long? Four minutes?
[Rock music stops]
Well, I definitely smell the crust. Um….
I mean, it looks… cooked?
Here it is, in all of its pot pie glory. All
I really smell is the crust, if you handed
this to me, I would not know that it was a
breakfast pot pie, I would just assume it
was a really cheapo pot pie. Let’s see, here…
[Gooey gross noises]
Okay, well I want to get some of the crust,
Smells a lot like a cheap sausage. Cheap breakfast
sausage, which always smells to me kinda like
[Sad cello music]
It’s fine? Honestly, the taste that’s coming
through strongest is the gravy, probably because
there’s just so much of it? Which doesn’t
surprise me, because it’s a Banquet meal,
so… you know it’s gonna be mostly gravy
to cut down on the costs, I’m assuming.
Tastes like nothing.
[Beautiful flute noises]
Sausage is really not too bad. It’s honestly not
as good as the Hot Pocket sausage. I think
I might actually prefer it to the Jimmy Dean sausage because it’s not so sweet? I feel like if
I sat down and ate this for breakfast, though,
I would probably just
dig out all of the sausage and eat that.
‘Cause the gravy is not too impressive, and
the crust doesn’t taste like anything, so
what’s the point?
You know, when you get really close up to
it, it kinda looks like an alien planet or
[Space music, probably]
Okay, so. Final verdict on the Banquet Sausage
and Gravy Deep Dish: it’s not as bad as I
thought it was gonna be. Y’know, Banquet is
turning out to be a real wild card. Sometimes
it’s okay, sometimes it’s terrible. But it’s
better than I would expect from Banquet. That
said, it’s still not very good. Honestly,
I think the gravy is what really brings it
down for me. It’s just really weak. Y’know,
I don’t mind if you’re gonna overload it with
gravy on the inside to cut costs. I mean,
I mind, but it makes sense. But if you’re
gonna do that, you gotta have a good gravy.
I guess if I were to sum up my feelings into
one emotion on the chart, I would say the
Banquish – Banquish? I would probably say
that they make me feel empty.
[Silence but for wind]
Let’s look for a second opinion!
I swear, every time I go shopping I pick up
a few so I can actually eat breakfast
in the morning, otherwise Iam?
not a breakfast person in the morning.
Love these so much! Wish I could eat one every morning.
Lawl. [Audience laughing]
I gotta admit, these reviews for these breakfast
items are way higher than I expected. It really
seems like the convenience of a quick breakfast
makes up for the taste for a lot of people.
This *is* a very quick breakfast. Not gonna
say it’s delicious, but it is pretty quick.
[Higher pitched] Haaaaaaaaaahhhhh…
I should not have gotten five of these, I
should’ve gotten three. I don’t know what
I was thinking, but I already said five, so
I’ve committed. Let’s get number four over
with, it’s Great Value Bacon Egg & Cheese
Croissant! This just looks scary. These, uh,
microwave sandwiches I always try to avoid
’cause they’re never very good – oh my god.
I’m very picky about my breakfast sandwiches
and I can already tell that I’m probably not
gonna have a fun time with this one.
This just does not look… fun. Uhm, we- uh,
let’s open it up. We can examine every part
of this sandwich before we heat it up.
So this is what we’re gonna be eating, got
the croissant over here. It looks fine, I
mean it looks like bread at least. The…
is this bacon? Is this supposed to be bacon?
The bacon – uh… it sure is a patty of…
Some type of meat. It’s very thin, definitely
not as robust a bacon as it could be. And
then there’s the egg and cheese. And, I don’t
know. Is this making anyone else hungry? Because,
man oh man, do I want to eat this.
Okay, it’s actually supposed to be in the
bag, so I gotta put all these pieces back… back
in the bag. Microwave on 30% power for one
minute, microwave on High for 40 seconds.
That’s a pain!
Uh, ugh! It’s soggy at the bottom! Okay. Well,
here’s our lovely breakfast, um…
It’s very… soggy. Uh, it looks very soggy…
it feels very soggy… It’s just not a good
situation over here right now. It’s just…
Things are looking bleak. [Laughs]
Surprisingly, the smell that comes through
the most out of all of this business is the
bacon patty, so maybe that’ll be good? I could
ss- I could pull this out and only eat the
bacon if I wanted to.
Mm-mm. Oh, no. Nope!
It started out okay. It started out – I was
a little bit impressed. I mainly just tasted
the bacon, which is a great flavor. But once
the egg and the cheese caught up with me…
No. No. Just no.
There’s like, a little bit of cheese hanging
off on this side?
Um, no more, thank you. Let’s just try the
bacon patty. Let’s just – maybe if I just
That is some really crappy bacon. This breakfast
croissant is pretty much everything I hate
in frozen breakfast all at once. One of the
things I hate most about it is the bag. When
it has you cook it in the bag, what it does
is it steams the sandwich. And I think they
do that to melt the cheese? Maybe? But what
ends up happening is it makes the entire sandwich,
just, soggy. I’ve got this thing about wet
bread. I don’t want moist – I don’t want damp
bread. Don’t make my bread soggy, I – it grosses
me out, makes me gag, I don’t like it. The
bacon was, at least, bacon. It wasn’t great,
but I recognized it as bacon. And that’s about
as big of a compliment as I can give to it.
It really seems like people are digging these
breakfast items, so maybe people like the
Great Value one as well.
It’s got 4 1/2 stars, 181 reviews! What am
I missing, here?
Neenie says, They’re Tres Bon!
GemmieGirl says, Omg, suuuu good! Goodbye
Burger King Drive Thru, five stars.
I’ve never had Burger King’s breakfast sandwiches,
I’m not a huge Burger King fan, but a lot
of the reviews are comparing it directly to Burger
King’s Croissant Breakfast Sandwiches.
So if you’re a fan of those, maybe give these a try?
[Commercial, sing/chanting]: A yummy, tasty hoot! A party in your tummy~
Hey, where did you get that flute?
At the end of the day, I guess these breakfast
sandwiches make me feel, uh… enraged? This
is just the worst emotion chart I think I’ve
ever seen. You can’t tell the difference between
half of these emotions! These aren’t gonna
help kids understand what they’re feeling.
Hopeless, disgusted, ashamed, jealous, depressed,
exhausted, it’s all the same feeling. It’s
all the exact same feeling kids, don’t worry.
If your face looks like that, you’re probably
feeling all of these things at once. I will
say that I’m feeling pretty ecstatic that
we’re finally on our last breakfast item.
Okay. We are ending on a high note, we are
eating a kolache [Sub note: meat varieties are actually called Klobásník],
one of the best breakfast items on the planet. Nothing too exciting to see here, it’s a roll with a sausage in it.
All right, don’t let me down kolache [Klobásník], don’t
let me down. Let’s end on a high note here.
Smells okay. I don’t know that I’m gonna say
that it smells great, but it smells okay.
It’s a roll with a sausage in it. Revolutionary,
really. Can your brain comprehend it? Man,
the plate is just wet. Which, I’ve expressed
how I feel about wet breads, but… maybe,
[Swelling Classical music]
I’m sad. That bite made me sad!
It has nothing to do with how it’s assembled
or prepared, I’m just not a fan of the sausage
that they used. I don’t know anything about
Great Dave foods, I don’t know if they make
sausage just regularly, but I’m just not into
their choice of sausage for their sausage
roll. It wasn’t bad. I mean, it was edible.
It was fine. Nothing wrong with it, really.
I just wasn’t into the sausage that they chose.
It definitely did not remind me of the kind
of sausage that I usually find in those sausage rolls.
I expect the reviews should be pretty good
on this one, because the breakfast items that
I absolutely hated people still seemed to
really enjoy, so people probably like this
one as well.
I can’t even find these on the Internet. I
can find some similar sausage rolls, but they
also have cheese in them. I’m having trouble
finding – I can’t find these on the Internet.
So, it’s very possible that these don’t actually
exist. Um, but, I don’t have any other reviews
for this one, so you guys just have to go
on my opinion, which is…
“Meh! They’re okay. Eh.”
If I’m being honest, they kinda make me feel
lonely, helpless, disgusted, ashamed, jealous,
depressed, and exhausted.
But now it’s time to find out
how these breakfastststs stack
up against each other!
To do that I’ll be stacking the boxes from
worst breakfast all the way up to the best
[Game show jams; audience applause]
There we have our – our rating, here. With
our champion on top. That was a lot of fun.
It was fun, and my stomach hurts. So, way
That’s gonna be it for the breakfast this
morning. I hope you enjoyed hanging out with
me in the A.M. today. Don’t think I’m gonna
be doing another morning filming video anytime
soon, but it was pretty interesting. It was
pretty nice – it did kinda feel like we woke
up together to eat some really crappy breakfast,
and that’s fun. If you’re new here and you
like what you saw be sure to check out more
of my BrutalFoods videos, there’s a lot to
watch and there’s more on the way, so thanks
fo much for supporting my content, you guys,
and I will be back with another video really
Thank you guys so much for watching, but before
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[Chill exit music]