Breakfast Burrito – You Suck at Cooking (episode 47)

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Previously on You Suck At Cooking
Hey Douglass…
It wasn’t a homicide…
They murdered 2 innocent eggs and made an escape.
*bork bork*
I believe you’ve been looking for me…
I didn’t catch your name?
Oh my god…
I’ve been making you this.
A trampoline?
To celebrate us being home free for life.
I will hunt you down…
…until you’re dead.
Hang on, Dennis.
I’m comin’.
You Suck at Cooking, Yeah you Totally Suck.
For the breakfast burrito, you’re gonna need
a tortilla,
tomato, avocado,
black beans, cheese
onion, onion
sour cream
and eggs.
t h i s i s s o c o o l
Gonna take your green onion,
and ripple… chop.
We’re chopping green onion for the eggs and purple onion for the black beans.
and we’re chopping tomato for fun.
And let’s open the avocado and put it on standby.
Throw in some olive oil,
So once this is cooked up a bit, add in your black beans
some salt; some pepper pepper pepper;
and some cumin.
And really… really take in that aroma of cumin.
Yup. I know that smell alright.
*sniff* ahhhh…
What the hell is that guy doin’?
Police work.
I’m trying to track down a criminal.
A criminal who doesn’t realize that he sprayed evidence all over this wall here.
Evidence? You mean piss?
Haha. Yeah. Piss.
Evidence comes in a lot of forms.
Did you guys see anything suspicious around here lately?
🎶Whoa there pops we don’t talk to the cops! Hey!🎶
I will straight up taze you.
He went that way.
Your visual observations combined with this evidence here
combined with my tracker device that shows me exactly where he is at all times
means I know exactly where to go.
You stay out of trouble.
If the beans get too dry, you can add a little bit of water
I’ve already burnt the onions, so that’s great
So at the last possible second, we’re gonna cook the eggs.
Now the tortilla is warming up over here,
I like ’em just barely cooked
K. We’re gonna take the warm tortilla,
The sour cream.
And salsa.
This is for moisture distribution purposes.
Egg goes on,
Grated cheese goes on,
That’s when you want to hit it with the beans,
So it all melts,
Oh man, I’m putting too much stuff on here
the tomato,
some avocado,
and I made some burrito sauce,
I like to have enough sauce to eat my burrito and drink my burrito at the same time.
I like the type of burrito that threatens to leak all over my pants.
God, I love camping.
The smell of the forest,
The wind in the trees,
Could anything be better?
Are you alright?
Yeah… I’m great…
It’s the best…
You seem like something’s on your mind.
I think I left the stove on
There’s a stove at the warehouse?
Or I might have left the windows open
It could rain
Uh huh.
I think I forgot to put the tarp over the trampoline.
If it gets dusty……
You know what I think?
I think you’re hiding something.
Wh-wha–…I… I’m not…
I think you’re hiding your feelings.
You need some time alone?
You wanna go for a walk?
I don’t give a care.
Oh. Yeah.
I think you’re right,
I just need some time to think
I’ll see you…
Back here…
Oh no…
Ohhhh crap.
Pull that back……
And then
Ideally, you want to be able to fold
I’ve really done it, haven’t I?
Just go ahead and serve.
Inside that can
from the black beans
And if you have a second one you can put it on top
And tape it together
And take it to work like that.
But that’s not gonna leak over anybody’s pants.
I don’t care what kind of pants they wear.
Another approach is to take a straw
And then just drink your burrito.
And the other approach would be to make sure you wear your burrito pants.
When that door opens
I’m gonna bust these ropes off jump up
Karate kick em in the face and
oh my god don’t hurt me I’ll do anything you want.
Today’s your lucky day, kid.
Chief! Oh my god!
I can’t thank you enough!!
No, Dennis. It’s my fault.
I should have believed you.
How in the world did you find me?
Good ol’ fashioned police work.
A splash of evidence…
Annnnnd a tracking device.
A… tracking device?
Uh… mostly just evidence
You put a tracker on me?
On you? No.
I did not put a tracker on you.
It’s best not to think about this too much.
It could get pretty uncomfortable.
I put it up your a-
You son of a bitch.
How could you?
How could YOU?
How could I what?
How could you betray the whole force?
You’ve been double-dealing with the freeriders.
I’m trying to bust the freeriders.
I was undercover.
You’ve been taking kickbacks. Flapjacks.
Sabotaging our operation at every turn.
And now you’ll be able to spend the rest of your life with your precious freeriders.
In prison.
It’s time to go, Dennis.
I don’t think so…
You’re under arrest.
Uh, that’s interesting.
Considering neither of you are leaving here alive.
We’re on the same team here.
You swore you’d kill me if you ever got free.
I’m no math expert,
I’m a wanted man now.
Things have changed.
You killed 2 innocent eggs to make your escape.
You and your friend there. Douglas.
We do what we had to do.
We did what?
What are they talking about, John?
Are they talking about… the decoys?
The decoys names were Pat and Terry.
Pat and Terry? John!!
Y-you killed them?!
I-I… we were all gonna die anyway…
I tried to tell you…
I NEVER would have gone along with that!
It was our only way out…
The fingers… went off–
I thought we were friends!
That night, that we–
I don’t want to talk about it…
But we–
I don’t want to talk to you, ever again.
It was our only way out…
he he he he he he ha ha ha ha haaa….
*motorcycle noises*
*motorcycle noises intensify*
Youuuu suckkkk at coooking oh my god youuuu suckkkkkkkkk

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